P/s : English entry.
First day of my second trial is today. I know I'm not supposed to waste my time on this keyboard. I'm having Add Maths for tomorrow. But somehow.. This feelings is killing me. I am in total lost in this love maize. I realized it was a wretched impossible calligraphy in a house of graffiti. I never asked for this to happened. I dislike our situation now. Full of hate. Not towards you, yet the situation that has been conquering us. It was a sentiment that I don't want us to feel even a single bit. Like we held sand we never cared if it trickled. Like we held hand we never care what they say. Like we hugs tightly we never care what's others perception on us. Like we give gifts to each other we never care to count the cost. We never care if they left cos we got us. You. You left it to a date whose designs you innately knew. These wicked apparitions of a people that never belong to me. In the rains, I am the strong cold hardens and deepens my imperfections. Its now is the dark sky, baby. Cant you see? Cant you?
We've gone too far to be what we are, but it is no longer colorful like we used to be. No longer like a paint ball dying against sweaty t-shirt. How the colorful colors of the paint ball bullet that smother the sweaty t-shirt fully, cant you feel that we've lost it? The way you did to me, it feels like I was having my ice cream freezing my brains and stealing my warmth. I was given to pleasure and pain in a package. Because feeling everything was how I knew I was alive.
I stared at you in disbelief. I lose balance knowing that you've turned into a new creature that I hardly recognize. I'm leaving all behind me. To search for you. Disbelief, please stop conquering me. I disappeared into a devastatingly accurate camouflage. Is it guilt that makes you hold on to? Fragments of ignorance my past, suprising me with your tenderness as its sudden glances. Is that guilt that you do? Missing me and thinking of me. Yet finding a way never to say yes. Do come back when you are wholly ready to never to say no, don't come back cos it hasn't quite changed, and I'm not sure when it will.
Just drain the veins in my head.
Just clean out the reds in my eyes to get by security lines.
Dear X-Ray machine, just please pretend you don't know me so well cos I wont tell if you lied.
Just cry, cos my droughts been brought up.
I complain for the company that I keep.
The windows for sleeping rearrange when I am nobody.
Well, who's dying now?
I was alive, remember?
Was alive.
May I Rest In Peace?